to all the folks that emailed me about "missing you"
I received some incredible messages as a result of that post. Some were encouraging. Some were folks who had experienced something similar. Some were heartbreaking and made me realize this endeavor to find love rarely works out and as a result, it leaves scars, shakes our confidence, challenges our faith, and hurts like hell. But it also makes us better if we let it. We can learn from out mistakes and move on. My mistake? Giving this man too much of myself when he gave me very little. While he gave me signals he was interested, enjoyed our time, and that I was someone he could be with, I don't think he was ready to give me anything yet. So, I had expectations that were based on what I gave him-- not what he gave me. I am a giver. I am not of that, but you know, I'm not going to give so much, so soon, next time. The chemistry...was....amazing. It blinded me. It has probably blinded some of you. This is really when you need to take a step back and try and see things as they really are.. We need evidence to see that someone if deserving of us before we jump in and give ourselves. We need to see this because building a relationship is about reciprocity-- and it starts small... it starts very small so that if you are investing poorly it doesn't hurt so much when it doesn't out. I'm not saying all of you invested poorly-- sometime people are just assholes. But for many of you, maybe this is the case; maybe you're givers and hopeless romantics like me. So why did it hurt so badly? I hurt so badly because I invested in someone who was not investing in me. I am hurting, he, is not and I will simply not delude myself that he'll realize what he's missing or feel heartbroken about me too because the truth is, he is not and he will not. The possibility exists he may, after some time, see that the level of chemistry, compatibility, and all those good things you look for between two people between us was incredibly uncommon (I have dated for awhile and I know it to be uncommon) and feel, well, like he is missing me. Perhaps he'll reach out, perhaps he won't. I think this happens sometimes? (if it's happened to you let me know-- I'm interested in your story). Will I be waiting around for that? no. Absolutely not. I've learned from this that the best way to invest in a relationship may be to invest largely in myself, my life, my needs.. and a little bit in the other's life and his needs. Over time, as trust builds, then I can I make it more equal, then it will be a good investment. In other words, in the great tradition of air travel and sound advice, "please make sure your mask is in place before you assist others." Words to live and love by.